you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
