if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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