Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
