Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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