I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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