She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
