Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
