it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
