Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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