I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
