So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
