So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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