apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
