Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
