just tell him i said nine months
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
