dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
