Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
