I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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