Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
