I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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