this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
