I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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