If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
