He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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