This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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