My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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