Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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