just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
