the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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