woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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