a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
