I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
