Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
