Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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