Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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