dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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