Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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