Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
