She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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