they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
