her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
that's an acceptable place to lick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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