i was born a porn star she said
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
