Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
