The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
