Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
