Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
