Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
