i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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