dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
