Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
