The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
